Self Care and Goal Setting - A Danish Perspective with Diana Lund

Transcript

Malini Sarma 0:01
Hi, Diana, thank you so much for joining me on the show today. I'm really excited to have you here.

Diana Lund 0:08
Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here.

Malini Sarma 0:11
That's awesome. I'm also pretty excited because I think you're the first person that I have on my show that is from Denmark. And I was really excited to hear about from our previous conversation about how things work in Denmark, whether it's the education system, you know, the economy, the way they take care of you whether it's health care. So, can you tell the audience a little bit about you growing up because you said you, you have an older sister, you're the youngest in the family and your father traveled a lot for his business, but your was work, but your mom was was home, right? So or she was also working, but you pretty much she was like, she wasn't traveling for work. So you want to tell a little bit about your time growing up?

Diana Lund 0:57
Yeah, sure. And you're right in Denmark is quite different from especially the States. In our whole system, it's built totally different. So, and for me growing up, I grew up in a really small town like 130 houses. And I know because I had the paper route. But in my dad was a truck driver. So he was the way for all week and then he was just home during the weekends. So we kind of grew up with my mom, mostly around and my mom most amazing and so was my dad when he was home, but that's just the way it was in our house. And like you said, I grew up with my older sister, I'm the youngest. And then I have two older half siblings as well. So my dad had been married before. And, and yeah, it's pretty much that small town cozy Playing on the on the street kind of thing. Growing up, there was nothing like really and huge happening growing up. But But like, one of the differences we talked about when we talked earlier is the whole education system, which is free in Denmark because we have a very high tax pressure or high tax. We pay we pay between 35 and 50% in tax, which then gives the opportunity for health care and schools and stuff like that to be free. So, basically, and the school system is also a bit different. So if you want me to explain that I will.

Malini Sarma 2:45
Yeah, no, that would be that would be interesting. Because you said you you would study up to ninth grade, and then right and they have pre University which is like

Diana Lund 2:56
and then there's trade school because not everybody goes to university right? Exactly. So in Denmark, we have this up until ninth grade is mandatory, you have to do that. And then there's an optional 10 10th grade. And then you go over to either you can do trade school. And if you want to do that, or you can go into pre university, I don't know quite what you would call it, but it's called the gymnasium level in Denmark. And so that would be equivalent to the 11th and 12th grade, as well as the first year of college in the US. It's a three year kind of base education where you have like language and math and physics and all of these kind of base courses. And then after that, if you do that, you can go into university and then you have a bachelor's degree, that's the three years and then after that you have a master's degree, which is two years and that's also a bit different because a lot of places at least in the US, you have master's degrees that are one year as far as I remember. And but it's it's two year and it's it's not that it's the same amount of work divided over two years, it's actually double the amount of work. So it's 120 ecgs points, a master's degree in Denmark and, and again apart or the one of the huge differences from the States is that if you go that route of university, most people go directly from their bachelor's to their master's degree, because we do not pay to go to school. So so it's not, we don't have to go out and well, some still, it there's a high living expense in Denmark as well. So a lot of people either work while studying or they take loans. So a lot of people do have study loans as well, but it's not as huge as it is in the States. So most people actually do Go and do their masters right after they finished a Bachelor's. And, and then we also, again, a big difference, we actually get paid to, to go to school. So you get about 1000 US dollars a month. And while you're a student to support yourself so that's also one of and the reason this is important in my story is that if I hadn't been living in Denmark, where this support system is there, where the education is free, where there's we get paid to go to school, I wouldn't have been where I am today because my family background doesn't support that. I don't know if that makes sense. But it's not that my family wasn't supportive. They were but like economically, they wouldn't have been able to support me in any way and and they didn't like it's not a lot of people in Denmark still get support from their parents. They buy apartments for them to live in while they study and stuff like that, but we didn't have that opportunity. And it's kind of a gap like a lot of people. And I'm guessing this is the same in the states that if you come from an uneducated family, you are also more likely to not get an education yourself.

Malini Sarma 6:19
Right. Unlike in the unlike in Denmark here, we have to pay for college and law, student loan debt is a huge is a huge, huge issue here. So that's a huge like you said, there's a big difference. So you're you're you're one of the one of the first in your family to actually go to university but before that, you said that everybody had mandatory everybody has to go to school till ninth grade. So if you choose not to go to university, do you have like trade schools that people can go to to become you know, either electrician or driver or whatever,

Diana Lund 6:58
exactly. Then you go into like, a four year program to be a hairdresser or electrician or whatever. So then you go into school for like maybe I since I didn't take that route then please don't hold me to this. But I as I remembered it's about you do like, I don't know 20 weeks of school and then you go into apprenticeship. So you find a company where they will teach you. And then you during the four years, you kind of have different school stays for like 12 weeks, and then used to go for half year and then you go for, for the apprenticeship. And then you go for 12 weeks school again. So you have this continuous education where you learn more and more about the area you're working in, and then after four years, you get your apprenticeship letter. So and then you're, you're educated as whatever it is you chose to be within.

So So once they finish that do normally people just work for somebody else to do. They'd like to start their own business, how does that work?

Most people would go and work for someone else and is like to get because the thing is that well, not all people. But what if you do that when you finish ninth grade, you're typically around 15 or 16. So you're done when you're 20. So that's quite early to go out, at least for here, or it has been earlier, quite early to go out and start your own company and you would want a bit more experience before doing that. Right. And so people would usually go get a job someplace new, other than where they got their education or the, the company they work for while taking their person. Yeah, their apprenticeship and to kind of get other experience as well.

Malini Sarma 8:49
No, okay. Make sense? So what prompted you to go to university What was I mean, it was it a professor, you know, a teacher or somebody you know, who kind of actually Just interest.

Diana Lund 9:02
Actually, I've been jumping around a little bit like I said, like normally you're finished ninth grade at 1516. I was 16. I didn't start then I took 10th grade and then I took a year off actually. Then I did the pre University School.

Then I started two different

educations that I ended up not doing or not finishing. I started on sociology, and I started in marketing, and I kind of figured that wasn't quite for me. So I got off and found a job just in a store selling phones and just working for some years. And then when I was 26, I applied for my bachelor's degree. And that was in service management because I was thinking that the whole thing about the sociologist part and the marketing part both things actually interested me, but I was just it was the wrong place wrong time when I started those things and with the wrong people as well. So this new bachelor's program kind of talked into those things, it was kind of a combination of my interests and the things that I wanted to do. And actually, me going, the decision to go into university was kind of a mix about wanting to do something else and not getting the opportunity in the work I had that I thought I deserved. So not being promoted and stuff like that. So I wanted it to do something else. But actually, and this is this is talking to how I work as a person that in pre University, the three years like the second year, a lot of people have a really hard time and a lot of people consider dropping out and I was at the same Space headspace at the time, and my sister had dropped out. And my dad had gotten so mad at her for that. And I was like, I don't want to, I don't want to be in that position. I don't so it was kind of in spite or because people were saying, Oh, I'm not gonna I don't believe you can do that or that kind of thing. It is actually a lot of and a, oh, this is gonna sound so bad, but a lot of other people's expectations, good or bad like me expecting my dad's reaction actually kept me going. Okay, just and it wasn't that he was. It wasn't that he was uh, he wasn't wasn't hitting anyone or any way he just he just got disappointed. So it wasn't that I was afraid in that sense. It was just I didn't want to disappoint

Malini Sarma 11:55
you were you were quite close to your dad, weren't you?

Diana Lund 11:58
Yeah, for four Whatever was possible with the time he was there?

Malini Sarma 12:04
Okay. Yep, no, no, I remember you saying that, you know, if somebody tells you you can't do it, you just get to prove them wrong, right?

Diana Lund 12:11
Yeah. That's actually something that started me on my first podcast as well. I had a friend who was like, Oh, you always have so many crazy ideas and you never go through them in any of them anyways. Sorry. And then I was like, But I was kind of like, Oh, that's not gonna be me doing that. So she kind of prompt me to actually do that.

Malini Sarma 12:44
I know how you feel because that's how that's pretty much how I started to so

Diana Lund 12:48
yeah.

Malini Sarma 12:51
So So the other interesting thing that you had mentioned in was about in in Denmark you said, you know, through your research, one in three people will get cancer before they turn 70

Diana Lund 13:07
or 7575. Yeah,

Malini Sarma 13:09
right. Yeah, that was just a statistic that completely blew my mind. I mean, and I was looking up at doing some of the research and they, and they did say that the two main diseases that seem to be predominant in Denmark, one is cancer and the other is cardiovascular disease. So, we'll tell you a little bit more about you know, your because you said your dad had not one but four types of cancer. And, you know, how did all during that time How did it all play with you and how did you manage?

Diana Lund 13:45
Yeah, I'm gonna dial back a little bit on that because yes, my dad ended up having like four different types of cancer. And the reason you're asking this, I don't think we mentioned is that I last fall. I published a book based on taking care of oneself as someone who's relative to long term serious illness. And losing my dad two years ago kind of prompted me to write the book. And not because I'm a relative to my dad, well, I am but I didn't live with him, but my husband has multiple sclerosis. So that's kind of the connection there. But yes, my dad ended up having four different types of cancer during the last like 15 years of his life. And the statistics is so bad with like, I was also stunned that one three, that's a lot of people getting cancer, even though it's 75. It's still one third of people. I have no idea how this statistics are in the US. But I would guess It's about the same I am sure. What happened to my dad was that we thought like the last thing he got surgery for stomach cancer in the summer of 2017. And then around Christmas, New Year's, he was declared to be healthy and he wasn't sick anymore. And then he got pneumonia in I think in the end of May, or that's what they told us that he had and he got in for scans in the end of mid June. Then he got admitted to hospital in the end of June. And then, on Sunday, I came to visit because they live like four hours away. So I came to visit at the hospital. On Sunday, he got a new scan on Monday. And they told us that it wasn't pneumonia. It was lung cancer. And they needed it to talk to their lung team the next morning to figure out what to do. And then the next morning on Tuesday, they told us that it was so severe that they couldn't do anything. And then he died on Thursday. So that was just it was so it was so fast. But we did have before that we had this like, period where he had been sick. And then he was well and then were like yay, and he just had his 70th birthday in April and like everything was fine, and then all of a sudden he was gone. And that I certainly don't remember your question.

Malini Sarma 16:56
No, because I was just saying you you you were dealing with all This way, if you're dealing with somebody who is who was in your case, not you, your your, your husband at the time was not yet your husband was also a multiple sclerosis he or somebody who is ill. And then you had your dad whom you were dealing with when we were close to who is ill. But you didn't. You didn't expect, you know, because he'd had cancer before. You didn't expect it to turn around so quickly. Right?

Diana Lund 17:27
Exactly. And that's actually what got me into like, I started thinking of how to take care of me, right because all of a sudden, I realized that I was I was in a relationship where multiple sclerosis is something that along with the my dad and the cancer, it just it can happen. It can change so fast. You don't know what's like. My husband woke up one day and had lost a lot of his sight. Like he has 30% of eyesight left on both eyes more or less. And that's how it goes with this illness and I just my dad dying just made me see that Okay, so who is going to take care of me? Because I can't I can't be sure that my then boyfriend or husband can can do that. So I need to do that myself but I have no idea how. So that's why I was trying to figure out is there anywhere that I can look up good advice or ideas Can I can I borrow a book can I listen to a podcast Can I can I find this information somewhere? And I the only thing I found and this is I was not I have to admit I was not looking in the English market. I was looking in the Danish market because although that's where I was in my headspace committed to kind of, it's a bit harder to do stuff in English when It's not your native language when, when you're all sad and stuff like that, right? So the only thing I could find was this course where you had to show up once a week to talk about these things and and that's great. That's it's amazing thing that's that that's there. But that wasn't what I that wasn't what I was looking for. It wasn't what I, I needed it I, I just wanted to be able to do something for myself taking care of myself at home and I then started researching, saying, okay, am I the only one who feels this way like and I started interviewing people about it and ended up with 15 interviews of people who relatives to different long term seriously serious diseases and, and, and, and got all of this information from them that they had. There's other than the whole thing about being overwhelmed with sudden disease, and in some cases death as well. A lot of people lost their network, for example, because people kind of because you don't have a lot of energy to, to keep up your relationships with other people when all of a sudden you're in life crisis. And when that life crisis is not over in two weeks or two months, or maybe a year, then then people start to, to not come back like they because because you don't have the energy to do anything yourself to reach out to people, then people start to just disappear out of your life. And I wanted to figure out how to how to, to be able to also say, Okay, so the people who disappear, that's fine, but can I then find some new ones are they Anyone I can relate to I can, can I? So this whole thing about how do I take care of me and my values and my needs next to someone who has also a lot of needs, potentially at least, and in some of the cases of some of the persons I interviewed, it was definitely a lot of here and now needs and my kind of my, my philosophy is the whole So, so overused saying but about taking on your own oxygen mask before helping others. But it's so right because if, like in the airplane does to us that if you're if you didn't take your own oxygen mask on first and you faint, then you can't help people around you and it's the exact same thing. The thing is, we just don't notice that we're ending up stressed, or even depressed in some cases and then all of a sudden there's not one but two people who are ill in the family. And then it's even worse. Right? Right. So

Malini Sarma 22:10
yeah, but you didn't come to How did you come to this conclusion? I mean, that you must have been in such a state you know, you're losing going through this with your dad and then he you know, just managing to care with for your husband and everything. How did you come up with that idea that you do need to take care of yourself

Diana Lund 22:32
Is it because you actually there's there's multiple things for my dad died on July 5 2018. And I started work on the book in October. And and between those two times that I there was one seeing my mom and seeing how she had her, like, what is it been like for her and also my own at the time boyfriend was starting just as my dad passed away he was starting this really harsh immunotherapy kind of medicine that had some really bad potential side effects. And he couldn't It was kind of killing his immune system. So he couldn't go outside and stuff like that. So there's a lot of attention on that as well. So he wasn't he wasn't at the hospital with me when my dad died. He didn't attend the funeral when my dad died. And and it's not that I'm saying that he should have at all because you shouldn't because of the medicine he was taking and he is sad he couldn't be there and be there for me. But it just that whole thing was making me realize that Okay, so there's gonna be this periods, at least of time where he is not going to be able to be there for me. At the same time, there was this Danish documentary

Unknown Speaker 24:00
About

Diana Lund 24:01
a couple that when she was pregnant with their fourth child, he got diagnosed with ALS. Oh boy. Yeah. And this was kind of a two episode documentary where it was her side of the story. So it was how how her life was also impacted. Yes. And in panic and it's kind of like, people are often like they're, Oh, it's so sad that your husband or that your mom or that your kid or that you're, yes, it is. But we're a whole family. It's not just the one who's getting ill that's getting affected. I know. And Believe me, I really know this. Of course, it's the person who is ill that's worse off. But people just forget that. When you go into when you when you get a message like this, like get diagnosed like this, you, you go into survival mode and you are if you have a newborn kid and and three other small children you have to take care of them. Like and the thing is like the whole there was a lot of talk on Facebook and stuff in Denmark about this documentary and that she was such a I'm not gonna say the word but that people were like not having any respect for her decisions and this

Malini Sarma 25:35
they thought that she was being selfish because

Diana Lund 25:38
Exactly. And the thing is, like I had, I had someone on Facebook, one of my Facebook connections, writing that, Oh, she would never leave her husband. She was in it for the long haul and it was in sickness and then health and she because one of the discussions in the program was if they should leave each other and She was just like, and I'm just sitting there saying, that's fine that you feel that way. Now when your husband is nice and well, but if you haven't been in the situation, you can't say, I'm sorry, but you cannot say how you react. I have always , I didn't meet my husband or my boyfriend. until after he got diagnosed, he's been diagnosed for 15 years. I've known him for seven. So I'm one of those weird people who jumped in headfirst into this

Malini Sarma 26:32
knowing that he was sick you.

Diana Lund 26:34
Exactly, exactly and but also when I met him, he wasn't as sick as he is now of course, but But what I'm we had this discussion really, really early on in our relationship that I'm never gonna promise him that I'm not leaving ever even though we're married now. I cannot and I will not promise him that I can stick around for Everything. And you know what? Nobody can, right? I know, even even if none of us are sick, there's a divorce rate of like 50 or something. Like, and it's like Why should I? Why should I promise something that I'm not sure I can keep? Because I don't know how I'm going to react and I might, I hope not, or he might and I hope not fall in love with someone else at some point. You don't know that, right. you cannot predict the future you dont know how but I just I also just got so and that's one of the thing that really propelled me into doing this and into writing the book was this whole thing about her being selfish and I was like, yeah for one she needs to be for her kids. But also like, it doesn't help anyone if there's all of a sudden two people who are sick because she's gonna go down with the depression instead because she devoted all of her time to, to the husband or who should take care of her while she's taking care of four kids, and it's the same who's gonna take care of me, while I take care of my husband or take care of our animals? We don't have any kids. But you get my point, right?

Malini Sarma 28:31
 So, so, no, you had we talked about how healthcare is, you know, progressive in the sense that you don't have to worry about it. It's all taken care of. So in your health system, as part of the self care, is it encouraged, you know, to go and talk to somebody, did your mom go talk to somebody? Did you go talk to somebody, you know, just to get through all you know, yeah, it's grief counseling or is just managing through the Because, you

Diana Lund 29:00
know for sure, for sure we it's very encouraged to talk to someone in the when it's when it's stuff like this at least it's, I don't, I don't mind telling people either that I went to a shrink when I, when I lost my dad because I couldn't. I couldn't cope with figuring out where they're where, where my sorrow or my grief was, and and figuring out how to fit everything together. So and my mom also went to someone through the Cancer Society, she talked to someone, and she also went to a grief group. And, and and I think, again, this is from my perspective, that it's, it's pretty normal that you do that in Denmark because I think we're really open about that kind of stuff. Actually.

Malini Sarma 29:47
I think that's very progressive. So you there is no stigma attached to going and talking to, you know, going and talking to somebody to deal with whatever issue that you're having right?

Diana Lund 29:57
Not in my head.

Malini Sarma 30:01
But you'd be surprised.

Diana Lund 30:03
Yeah. And that's why I don't want to say there's not in Denmark because, to be honest, I don't know. I know what I what I experienced. And I know what, how I perceive things. And that's my point of view. Right. So I can say that just in general, there's not but but it's actually one of the things that also propelled me into all of this kind of work because she also my shrink was talking to me about this whole prioritizing us and like, everything is like in life, it's just not one thing that propels you in the direction you end up going. Right. Right. And, but she was talking to be about all of these things happening in my life. Like, when my dad with my dad has had his birthday in April, the beginning of April, we moved into a new house in the beginning of April. He died in July, right. So it was kind of like his death, my husband's illness. The new house, the garden, the work, my work, everything, like there's so many things that I felt like I had to prioritize. And she kind of helped me because we kind of listed our things saying that. Okay, so where are you in this whole? One, this whole list and I was like, well, maybe on a fifth place. It's just like, here's a deal. That doesn't work. You need to be if not just number one, you need to at least be on a shared first place with your husband. And and I'm I am that now. I am also above him. Because I know that that's so important. Especially while he's getting worse. It's even more important that of course taking care of him but also remembering that I need to take care of myself. And that's actually what I also did with the book because the book ended up being Also therapy for me, it ended me being up in me talking to all of these amazing other people who were in the same kind of situation that I had been in or was in and I talked to different shrinks within different areas of

patient.

Oh, well, they called associations, I guess.

It's different specialities. Yeah. So So talking to them within this. The people who were helping me gather information for the book and in letting me interview them for this and, and it was kind of a process for me as well to, to, to figure out what to put in the book. So I have this like, half of the book or these 15 interviews with these amazing people. And then there's my own story of course, and then there is like the other half is just All of the advice I could come up with, like, if I read it somewhere, it's in the book. I, of course try to be as academic about it. I don't want to say that but I try to have sources on all the things that I provide. But also with the interviews I made with the psychiatrists and stuff like that. And, but I, I just wanted to say okay, so it's not necessarily that what works for me works for someone else. So I got to try a lot of things with this book as well. And I hopefully give all of the good ideas to people so that they can pick and choose what works for them. And that's kind of my like, now it I self published and it's out now and that felt really good.

Malini Sarma 33:54
So in the book is in Danish, right?

Diana Lund 33:57
Yes. Okay. And I promise I'm going to try and get it out there in English at some point.

Malini Sarma 34:03
Now I'm sure it's a it's a universal topic, right? It's not Yeah. It only only for Danish. Exactly. Well, for just for the state of the country of Denmark, I think it's applicable to anybody in everybody in the world who's going through something similar. Right.

Diana Lund 34:19
Exactly.

Malini Sarma 34:20
So in your So you said your you started doing research on you started your book in October of 2018. In When did you finally finish your research and published book?

Diana Lund 34:35
I published it on the 11th of October 2019. Okay, it took you, it took you this year and a half just to get to know about a year about a year from October to the 11th of October. Okay, the following year. Oh, yeah. And I had a full time job while I did that, and my husband as well. So yeah, and we got a puppy. This Well, we was really stupid. But not getting the puppy. But the timing wasn't the best. So so

Malini Sarma 35:05
in your in that year research that you did by the time you publish the book, what was the what was the most significant or the most interesting outcome? Or, you know,

Diana Lund 35:18
for me personally, or in general, both. And

I think for me

Malini Sarma 35:26
realize that that made sense after you wrote the book.

Diana Lund 35:30
But I think for me, this whole idea of what is it that that makes me tick? That's important. So the whole thing about for me, I figured, along with writing the book as well, that planning is planning this book, I wouldn't have been able to do this in the amount of time I did it in if I hadn't had a plan and stick to it. And and that's really well of course, other than I have to take care of myself Then Then one of the major things I actually got from this was that I, it's that it's so important to work towards your goals. But to do that, it's really important to set them like be very specific about them and then plan towards them because otherwise you just end up spinning around a bit. There's just like not going anywhere or that's my experience at least a lot of times just like end up being all confused about what you actually want to do. And grab in a lot of different directions instead of having a concrete goal to go for. Or a specific goal to aim at and work towards.

Malini Sarma 36:52
So when you were doing the planning for the book, I mean, was it in you were overwhelmed as it is but you know, Going through grief and dealing with everything that's happening. Did you like follow a course? Did somebody tell you how to do it? Or was it just the research that you did is like okay, how do I write a book? Or was it you were just kind of taking it day by day. And as you started to get things, you started doing more research to figure out how to do it? Or are you by nature a planner, so that you have to plan everything and write down that helps you

Diana Lund 37:24
I'm actually I am by nature very much a planner, but at the same time, just to do everything at once. I also did an NLP practitioner course. Okay, which helped me a lot in the process. And it helped me do the whole like, it helped me structure the planning a lot more than I had been doing before, and gave me some great tools for that. So I I also think to be honest, what I've been It was kind of I'm the kind of person I work through things right. So I, I would like I always say I would much rather have my dad with me today. But he's not. And I think I handled that in a very good and productive way because I use that to propel me into what I'm doing now. It helped me go into writing the book and doing something that's beneficial for me. And for a lot of other people. I do speaking gigs on the subject as well going out and helping other people and getting to know that they're in this situation as well because a lot of people are like I said, it's kind of a bombshell when you when you get this, this diagnosis of something that's so life changing. So people go into this Yes, shock. Thank you so much. They don't realize that they have to take care of themselves. It takes a while for the relatives to figure out that they also need to take care of them. And that's kind of one of my missions related to the book that I want people to look at. Okay, so how can I plan on also taking care of myself because it's not that you need to neglect whoever's ill, or the rest of your family, no matter how the constellation is, but it's that you can, you can plan your way out of a lot of it. And just remember to breathe along the way and, and take care of yourself along the way.

Malini Sarma 39:40
And so this is this I'm sorry, good.

Diana Lund 39:43
No, I was just saying but but what I actually wanted to say when I didn't toil off on that was that I kind of sometimes I sit with the feeling of if I really ever grieved my dad, but on the other hand, I also know But this was my way of doing it. So it's, it's also a realization of society doesn't need to tell me how I should do stuff. Does that make sense? Hmm. And because there's this whole idea that you should be sad for such long time and, and being Okay, so you three months after your dad died, you started writing a book about it? Yes because that's my process. That's how I process things. And this was really good for me this was very therapeutic for me. So, that made sense,

Malini Sarma 40:40
huh? Does it that's how you processed your grief and it is kind of like something that you could do to make. Not only help you remember your dad but also help other people and mean, you know,

Diana Lund 40:53
exactly. And, and that's actually one thing that's very important for me to also be able to inspire And help other people along the way. Because that's kind of my drive. I feel very driven by being able to help other people. And also the whole, leading to the whole understanding. And now, we didn't talk about this. But now I'm going to tell you anyways, what we actually my husband and I are starting to write a book together. And what we're doing and what that we've been talking a lot about it and we are trying to podcast the process of writing the book as well. So that's going to be interesting. We're just in the beginning phase. But what I realized just just today, actually is that this is also the opportunity for me to, to process the relationship I'm in and because it's not normal, or it's not, it's not the it's not the A we're in our mid 30s we're gonna have kids and we're just gonna have careers and we're just going to do blah, blah, blah. That's not our life. Because that's not the circumstances we're in. And all of the thoughts about Okay, should we even have kids? And what happened? Why are we Why did we end up here? Because that, looking at it, it wasn't what any of us actually had been thinking of, or had been planning to when we look back in our lives, right. So this whole process, and I'm really stoked about that, actually, it's gonna be an interesting process. And that's

Malini Sarma 42:33
very brave. I mean, and that's a great way of, you know, a treasure in your relationship, right at any point in the future. And you go back, and you can look at this and you have, you have, you know, memories and concrete evidence and all the things that you did, and, you know, yeah, with it, right. So going back to you, but yeah, I had one more question about your book. Yeah.

Diana Lund 42:52
So

Malini Sarma 42:54
what was your react as you said, You self published and so what was the reaction from people After seeing your welcome me, wherever you shared it to whenever the site or they read it or whatever, what was their reaction? Was it you know positive? Would you agree? Did they say that? You know you're wasting your time What was it like?

Diana Lund 43:13
To be honest, and I know probably people wouldn't say if they thought anything bad but I haven't heard anything anyone say anything bad about the book. I've heard a lot of, Oh, this is so missing. This is great. I got a in Denmark when you publish a book, you have to send it in to the library, kind of we have like this big thing. Yeah. And then you send it in and then if you're lucky, you get kind of a what's called a note that like there's these people who are writing reviews of the book. And then if you get a good review, then there's more opportunity for the libraries to take the book into And I got a really good review. And it's like around 10% of Danish books that even get a review. If that if it's such a high number even I don't quite remember, I think it's about 10% to actually get a review. And and that was a really good review. So that was really amazing. And like I said, I'm a goal setting person as well. So I set a goal of selling 100 books before publishing. And I sold 103 It's awesome. So that was really good. And, and I that's kind of how I work so so and all of the feedback I've gotten has been, this is so amazing. I have someone who she's in my network and she's, she's so great, but she bought the book even though she has does not have illness in her family in this way. And she was like, this is just a book you need to read before ending up in that situation because like I said before, when you end up in the situation, you don't have the capacity, the mental capacity to sit down and read this book. But if you already know what's in it, and know of the concepts and how to take care of yourself, then it's easier to implement when you end up in the situation.

Malini Sarma 45:13
That's awesome. Sure, yeah. Now you did say that, you know, the book helped you write it helps you process. It helps to do planning. So you're That is also how you kind of started your your business because you you are working and you decide to quit that so that you could spend more time with your husband, while at the same time you're starting your own business in the book helped you decide. You want to talk now?

Diana Lund 45:41
Yeah, sure, because I know that I'm really good at helping people like talking to people as well and help them figure out what to do. And then the combination of that and realizing that I had this amazing tool to actually set concrete goals. planned for them. And it just made me realize that, okay, so this is something I'm truly good at. And I can help people with that. I want to do that. And that come combined with my husband not getting any better. We were talking about, it would be amazing for me to be working from home to have more time with him. So that's just like the book has done so much for me for one like in in the face of writing it and processing but it's also made me realize a lot of stuff about myself that I can use to help other people. And so so it just kind of came together. So that's what I'm doing now. I'm helping other people. Also plan like be specific and setting goals and plan and then just yeah, help them execute as well because there's nothing a plan is not worth a thing. If you don't actually follow through on,

Malini Sarma 47:02
that's true, it's very true. So so you're you have a you. So you've started your own business. And that's about goal setting. It's like you're helping people, what are some of the things that you're doing in your business?

Diana Lund 47:15
I'm gonna, I'm actually gonna be starting soon. I haven't set the date quite yet. But soon I'm gonna be doing a group mentoring program, where we go through like, the whole setting the specific goals and then planning them out and then actually following up within and then going deeper into different topics within this, like time use and you're planning your day and your week and stuff like that. And then, and then helping them along and keeping people accountable to actually do what they are planning to do. And it's mainly within business. So my company or my my business side is called smart business planning. And that's kind of the idea to be smart. around it and actually getting it done in a in a way that you get more focused. is the best way to say it, I think because the focus will help you get to your goals. Mm hmm. Yeah. That Did that answer the question?

Malini Sarma 48:17
Yeah. No, that is because I was trying to figure out is like, Okay, what is your business do that that that makes sense. So now you said that you you are working on a podcast, you got a lot of things happen irons in the fire right now you have. You're planning to write another book. And you're in a doing a podcast, you have multiple podcasts. Your husband does not speak English, right. So you're helping him because you speak English. You're planning to do the podcast in English, right? Yeah.

Diana Lund 48:49
Yeah, but he does speak English. He's just not as fluent as I am. Okay, but we are. It's we're working on it. So we're it is a speaking podcast. Most podcasts are

a conversation of podcast that was was looking for.

So we're so we're discussing the idea and what we're doing and his English is a bit broken, but it will already now we've we've recorded like three episodes. It's not live yet or anything but already now it's a bit better. So we're just working on that nice as well. But yeah, I'm doing that and I'm also in the thought process of doing another podcast for my business. And so that Yeah, there's a lot of things happening and I'm also doing a like, you can say I'm doing the course thing I'm doing in both in English and Danish. So I have to kind of businesses running side by side if you could say that.

Malini Sarma 49:50
Okay, see you You got your hands full. Yeah, just long as you as long as you're happy and you're doing what you need to do. I have and then I have my amazing

Diana Lund 49:59
mastermind group, of course, and I would recommend that because it's amazing to have someone to help you. Yeah, send

Malini Sarma 50:07
me. So in your journey so far, you know, there's so many things in just the last couple years alone, you've got you've gone through so much, right? You've when you're talking to somebody else who's going through something similar, or who's just starting to, you know, or probably you're going back to looking at yourself, maybe two years ago, what would you tell them? What would you tell yourself? Is it what was the most profound lesson that you've learned in the last couple years that you could resonate? that resonates with everybody?

Diana Lund 50:50
I think it's that there's something positive in everything. So you could always always be something positive. Like I said before that I would much rather have my dad with me. And just like, in specifics him dying is not a positive thing. But I have gotten so much positivity in my life because of it. Does that make sense? Because it I know that it can sound weird, but I always I kind of look at Okay, where am I? And what can that get me? I know that sounds weird because it sounds like I'm very greedy and the sun is shining. But kind of how can I How can I do the best with what I've got? And I'm, I think we talked about this the other day as well. The whole thing about I don't see myself as making mistakes. And again, I know this can sound weird, but I do something and then I figure Okay, is this working or is it not? Working, okay, that's not working, then I'm going to try something else, or Okay, this is working, then I'm going to do some something more in that direction. So even though people might have seen this as failing, if something's not working, I don't think of it that way. And it's not to be cocky about it or anything. It's just that's just not how my mind works. And it's not that I don't feel like a failure sometimes, because I definitely do. And I know when I actually try to I think this is a really good exercise, actually, I try to have a list of all the things I've accomplished. So having like, I've made two podcasts already. I have done my degree and a master's degree, and I have published a book, and like, all of these things, and I know that if I saw someone else have been doing that, I would say, well, that's amazing. But when I think about myself and my own accomplishments, I can feel so unaccomplished, right? So I really try to, to say, Okay, I really did do a lot of things that a lot of people don't even do in a lifetime to be honest. And, and and in general, we need to, we need to remember to, to give ourselves praise for the things that we actually do and be positive about. Remember to celebrate what it is that we do.

Malini Sarma 53:26
Celebrate every small win.

Diana Lund 53:31
Yeah, exactly like finishing a blog post. or whatever it is, right? I did this. I was like, okay, so when I finished I tried to be pretty non sugar in my eating habits and try to exercise and stuff like that. And it's pretty hard sometimes. But then I promised myself when I had posted five blog posts, I could eat an ice cream. So again, the whole goal setting thing, but it's also a celebration thing because this was more Kind of a way to celebrate them. Okay, now I actually accomplished something. And it might not seem like a lot but for me it was

Malini Sarma 54:09
no, I think that is great because I'm a big proponent of celebrations every little thing that you do, you need to celebrate so that you will propel to go to the next thing, you know?

Diana Lund 54:21
Exactly.

Malini Sarma 54:22
So, um, do you want to just give a shout out to what is your business usage you have a website for your business and then some of you if somebody wants to get ahold of you, what is your social media handles? Your

Diana Lund 54:35
My website is smart business planning.com. And the best way to get a hold of me would probably be just write me an email at Deanna ti na. Or Diana, if you want the English way of pronouncing it. At smart business planning.com and I also have a Facebook group called Smart business planning. Okay, well, you're very welcome. Of course, and if there's someone who would like to, like, ask advice about the whole being a relative to someone else, or I am, they're very welcome to shoot me an email as well. It's not I also enjoy helping people. And I do have I do do some mentoring regarding helping people plan for that part of things when it's not business. It's also on a personal plan. So I'm also okay with that. But it's just the main focus right now is, is on the business part.

Malini Sarma 55:38
Okay. Awesome. Well, thank you so much, Deana, for being here today and talking about this. I think this is a very important topic, and I think it resonates with everybody doesn't matter how old you are and what stage of life you're in. I think when things happen, this is just, you know, this, this advice that you have about learning to take care of yourself is important.

Unknown Speaker 56:00
Everything. Thank you.

Diana Lund 56:01
Thank you for letting me be a guest here. I think it's amazing. I think you do amazing work as well. It's some pretty astonishing women you've been talking to so happy to to. I'm honored. Exactly. To have or to be allowed to be one of them. That's Oh, no,

Malini Sarma 56:18
no, no, no, my. I think every woman inside every woman there is a warrior. That is why my my podcast is called Gladiatrix. So you're one of them.

Diana Lund 56:27
Welcome to the club. Thank you.

Malini Sarma 56:31
All right. I'll talk to you soon.

Unknown Speaker 56:33
Yeah, okay. Bye bye.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Self Care and Goal Setting - A Danish Perspective with Diana Lund

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